I was shopping recently with my grandmother and we had made a special trip to a new interior design store that had just opened. I love shopping for clothes, shoes, and home decor. So I was really excited to get into this store and see what they had to offer. It is hard to put into words how I feel when I walk into a beautiful store and get to buy something. It brings me JOY! I get butterflies in my stomach and I walk around with a smile on my face. I tell you all of this so that you understand how I was feeling the moment just before I opened the door to this beautiful store. I opened the door for my grandmother (who shares the same affection I do for shopping) and followed her in. Just as I was passing through the doorway I saw her! Oh no! Not her! My butterflies turned into nausea. I quickly moved to the right side of the store where there was a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. The tree was pushed up against a wall and I was unable to get behind it. So I pushed my face so close to the tree acting as if I was closely examining a Christmas ornament. I am sure the lady that I pushed out of the way was wondering why I was face to face with a gold and green ornament. I was afraid to turn around so I tried to breath very quietly so I could hear her voice. I heard the fake laugh and the clack of her, what she thinks are expensive, boots. I remember the sound of those boots as she walked and her, I am better than you, attitude. "Just leave, just leave, just leave!", is all I kept saying in my head. Finally I heard her say her goodbyes and walk out the door. A huge sigh flew out of my mouth and I turned around and peeked around the corner to make sure she was gone. I had to find something quickly to purchase to make this nausea and anxiety go away.
Why all drama? Well I am a Drama Queen! When I have to choose to fight or to flight.......I run like hell and hide! Like my dad I don't like confrontation, but unlike my dad I always seem to end up in it. I don't understand how this happens. I may look tough and well dressed, but really I am a big chicken. I don't like scary movies and I don't like to be around people who scare me. Now this woman can't hurt me physically. Trust me in a boxing match I could take her, but for some reason I allow her to make me feel inferior. She is the classic passive aggressive person. She will smile at you while giving you backhanded compliments. Not sure what I mean? Here is an example, "Oh love those shoes. You look cute in those even with thick ankles." For some reason people who have the attitude that they are better than me really scare me. Another example of a person who could be passive aggressive is a person whose boyfriend broke up with her by not showing up to his house on the day she came in from out of town to visit him. He sends her an ugly text message ending the relationship and leaves her heartbroken . Instead of responding to the ugly message right away she goes into the unlocked house and helps him by cleaning his toilet.....with his toothbrush. She waits a few days and then sends a message simply letting him know that she had done some cleaning for him while waiting and hated that things didn't work out. I have no experience with this sort of thing I'm just sayin'.
Back to flight. It is amazing how we can let fear or hurt take over our bodies. I am the worst at running away from fear and hurt, but this is another thing in my life that I am trying to work on. Instead of putting my face in the Christmas tree display I should have walked up to her with my head held up high, flashing my fabulous Michael Kors handbag, and said hello. I can't promise that the next time I see her I won't run, but I am going to try not to. Lesson learned is when you are afraid do not stick your face in the Christmas tree.
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